One thing I have wanted to do with this blog is to share my heart and be a completely honest mom, because maybe others can relate to me.
Being a stay at home mom is something that has always been my desire for my children at a young age. Its not easy. As much as people may think. It is a HARD job. Especially when you come to the realization that these little lives are in your hands on a daily basis. As difficult and stressful as it can be at times, I know I was not meant for the workplace while my babies are growing at this young age. I know I would have such a hard time handling it if I decided to get up and go get a job. The thing is, I have struggled to build relationships with people lately. I feel as if I am in this place where it almost seems impossible at times. My youngest, Ruby, is going through a huge attachment phase. Or they would call it, "separation anxiety." Addie never had this struggle. She was a very laid back baby, and mostly a very laid back 2 yr old. She does have her moments though. But Ruby has struggled from the start to be away from Mommy. I will often close the door in the living room when Jared's home so I can work in the kitchen, but Ruby will crawl to the door and scream wanting me in the same room as her. I will get her and bring her into the kitchen with me and throw puffs or cheerios on her high chair and she usually calms. As long as she can see me and know I am around, she is good.
This makes my going out and socializing very difficult. And to be honest, its very straining on my emotions. I NEED my girl time with other women. I need to build relationships to help me and encourage me in my faith. I need some relaxed time, and I am not sure when the last time that did happen.
I love, LOVE my girls! They are such precious gifts to me, but we all know that we all need that outside of the home friendships and relationships. It can be hard emotionally to be cooped up in the house all the time. Although this week was an accept ion. I was the nurse taking care of my whole sick family and they needed me here and they needed to be in anyway. But you can tell now that Addie is going stir crazy after being in all this time after our exciting Florida trip.
Has any other mom's struggled with this feeling of loneliness, or maybe even insecurity of leaving your little one because of how she may react without you there? Is it wrong for me to want some time with other friends without the babes? And if you have struggled with a separation anxiety baby, what did you do to help it?
2 comments:
I know how ya feel mama! We are starting to go through the same thing (tho not as extreme) with Felicity. I don't EVER remember leaving Lucy-Kate with a babysitter. She was with me like 24/7. She wouldn't take a bottle of anything. But Felicity just wants me to hold her and sometimes even when Josh is here to give her attention she just wants ME. It's flattering at first and then its like "Okay, but I DO need to get a shower at SOME point!" :)
Here is what we did a couple weekends ago. Our church did a Parent's Night Out and we took the girls there and went out to dinner...Felicity had some expressed milk there so she wouldn't be starving by the time we got back and we checked in on them at least once...then some friends wanted to go to a movie after dinner...I was worried cause it was past the girls bedtime and I knew Felicity especially would be getting fussy and wanting to nurse then be put in her bed. But I checked in, they said the girls were fine...and we went to the movie. And it was FINE. I really enjoyed the peace and quiet...even tho we were in a movie I wasn't being interrupted! And I was spending time with my man & friends WITHOUT kiddos around!
They told me when we picked up the girls that Felicity did fuss SOME and cried some, but they took care of her. And it didn't scar her for life. It's especially hard for me to leave her when I picture her crying for me the whole time...but, she doesn't cry the whole time and she was safe and fed and clean.
It's hard for me to think about "myself" and "me time". I don't even like the way it sounds! But, it is just important. And necessary. It is. You have to recharge. And what I REALLY enjoy is when Josh takes one of the girls OUT by himself. He's still getting comfortable taking them both out (I think he's only done this once!) but, they are only young once. And they say it gets easier... :) But, you have to take a minute to breathe. I so enjoy the women's small group I am in and I hope you can get a babysitter and be off the clock for a few hours! I'll keep you in my prayers. :) This was really long...
-bethany (not josh like the picture shows) :)
Thank you for responding, Bethany! It is so good to know that there is another mommy out there who understands. My girls sound very similar to yours, only we had given Addie a bottle sometimes from the start so she was easier to leave with people. Ruby has JUST started to finally take water from a specific sippy cup. Before now, she would only nurse and if I pumped milk and put it in a bottle, she would drink it and scream for some one on one nursing time. The weaning process is going to be interesting once it comes along.
Anyway, our church actually did that parent's night out once before a couple months back and Addie obviously did great cause shes 2 and LOVES playing with other kids her age- Ruby, on the other hand pretty much cried most of the time. I felt so bad! But they were so gracious and understanding so that was helpful.
When I am in another room for awhile and Jared or someone in my family is watching her, as soon as I walk into where she is she cries and crawls to me. So when I am out, I will often get a call from Jared asking when I will be home cause she doesn't always settle. But I am praying that she will outgrow this soon because I really, really need a little more extended time with the "big kids" and other ladies, rather than just an hour or an hour 1/2 the longest. Jared will sometimes take Addie to the store or on rides with him so it gives me a little breather just dealing with an infant. But taking Ruby or the two of them has not happened yet. I know he feels nervous being with her alone still because of how clingy she is.
Its good to know I am not the only one feeling this and that I am not a bad mother for doing so. I guess I just gotta keep praying!
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