I broke down tonight when my little girl fell asleep in my arms. The last time she had done that was probably at the age of 9 or 10 months.
She refused to go to sleep when we got home from Grandma and Grandpa's and put her to bed. She cried and cried, and was more hysterical than I think I have ever seen her recently. I don't know what was causing her to be so upset, sad or scared. We gave her some Motrin thinking maybe it could be more teething. Daddy tried to give me a break by comforting her but she refused to go to him. This was also unusual. She LOVES her daddy, but in the last week she has clung to me like I have never experienced before. This has been hard with me being so pregnant and uncomfortable. I have been dealing with so many aches and pain, exhaustion and irregular contractions. I so wish I could do more and be more for her, but that didn't stop her from holding onto me for dear life.
I finally walked into her room, lifted her out of her crib, and rocked with her on the rocking chair. Her shaking body and teary eyes stopped as I held her close and kissed her. My first thought was,' is this even going to work? cause it hasn't in ages'. And when her arms wrapped around me and her eyes close, I broke down as she sniffled herself to sleep.
I wondered... Does she know? Does she feel or sense this big change that is about to happen? If so, how will I be able to handle it? Two little ones under the age of 2. Will jealousy strike in? Will she feel left out? I hope and pray that God will give her such a love and excitement for her little sister. I pray for strength and wisdom in this new change of life.
So my question was, does my 19 month old know something is happening? Or did God just give me an blessed opportunity/moment to spend with my first born snuggling, wiping tears away and kissing her little forehead? Whatever it was, even though it made me cry, I am completely thankful and in awe of a moment like that.
2 comments:
That's so sweet. Lily hasn't fallen asleep in my arms since she was a little baby either. I'm nervous about the transition too from one child to two. I'm sure Addie will do great and will love her baby sister!
Hailey was the same way, especially right before Elijah was born. She would even fall asleep if I walked around the store holding her (with her butt sitting on my belly). Totally normal. Soak these moments up, Becky. I always worried how I could possibly love the next baby as much as I love my Hailey. You know...it was never an issue -- your heart just expands -- and Hailey jumped right in and has been such an awesome big sister. I think God just gave you a moment...:-)
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