being expectant

We got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time Tuesday. That was very cool.

Thinking about the moments as the doctor searched with the doppler for the sound, I think they perfectly exemplify why we say we're 'expecting' when we tell people Becky is pregnant. I mean, I'm sitting there, literally holding my breath and straining my ears, waiting for the evidence that things are progressing as they should, that our baby is growing ... waiting for that assurance. And really, I'm spending a lot of my time thinking that way. I'm waiting with my breath held and my ears strained for evidence that things are going to be all right financially and that we will find a way not to separate Becky and the baby because of work, that we will have our act enough together to be good parents. I'm waiting eagerly to have the opportunity to hold the child who came from us, for the person who is supposed to change my life again.

There's a lot more to it, but that's what I can put in words right now.

Jared