Total Surrender?

I was sitting here thinking back to some of the places God has worked in my life. I started to think about where I was challenged in the area of total surrender. What does that mean to most people? Have we come to that place where we have given God our all and trusted in His complete control in our lives? It reminded me on Easter Sunday when we sang that beautiful hymn, I Surrender All. Particularly this verse:


All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at His feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.


In some ways it seemed so hard for me to sing that verse, because deep inside I knew I was still struggling in the area of complete surrender. I have often come through moments where we will sing a song at church and my heart would be just so heavy because I felt so unworthy of singing those words to the God of the Universe. The moment I have felt that way, I have said a little prayer to get me passed myself and remember God's unconditional love and grace for me, His child.


I think back and remember the times when some of the big things, and even the little things in my life were just places of pure distraction to what God had for me. Sometimes I wondered if I missed something that could have been. Some might even call these "things" idols, or worldly desires/pleasures. What about those hopes and dreams? Maybe the ones that no one but you knows?


Things in the past like relationships, hobbies, dreams once again, were those I can remember God had wanted me to give to Him. Some of these things made me so unhappy that it wasn't worth holding onto. I remember the times I handed Him those desires, He transformed my life and made me a better person. My relationship with Him grew more and more and my desire to love Him and give him my WHOLE life just became my passion.


"Give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession. Give me one glorious ambition for my life. To know and follow hard after You!" -Passion


I know in my own life now, fear is a big one that God desires to take off of my hands. Sometimes its so hard to surrender those things that have been part of life for so long. But with all that Jesus has done for me, for my life, for everyone's life, how can I NOT want to live my life with Him as my obsession? Nothing else compares to Him and all He has done for me. So total surrender? Seems so hard. But to know the amazing work He has done in my life in bringing me this far. He deserves my ALL.