From the Honest Heart of a Wife/Mother

My wonderful husband pasted a great article online about young mothers, and it inspired me to write about my thoughts.

One thing I have come to the conclusion in some of the faults in my life are that, sometimes I just become so hard on myself because I am not the most perfect mother/wife that I feel like I should be. There are someday's when I see others and feel like I need to live up to a certain degree, and in my fleshly ways its easy to struggle with comparing. But in my heart I know God has made everyone of His children unique and different, and we are called to just honor Him with our lives by living selflessly and rely on Him in every area, including our roles in life.

I took a class in college called "The Role Of A Christian Woman." And I do remember clearly of that being life changing for me. When I transferred to Liberty University after spending 2 years in a ministry training program called Master's Commission in Florida...I came with the determination that I was going to go all full blown in ministry. My life was either going to be working with teens at church or being a woman's ministry director at some huge church somewhere that could afford to hire a position like that. Yeah, I wanted to get married and have children someday, but my main focus was not that in that season of my life. I prayed that God would not bring a man my way yet until it was His timing to reveal the "one" I am going to marry. Little did I know that this man was going to be in my "Brother Dorm" and I was going to meet him just over a month after being there at Liberty. I made the excuse that I wanted to just focus on God ALONE- (Even though I had done that for 2 years anyway beforehand..which was amazing and so worth it), but when I met Jared I had this sense of possibility after getting to know him, and seeing that his main goal was to NOT casual date. That marriage will be his focus if a relationship should start. This gave me confirmation to take the step forward. I was terrified! But, whatada know? We were engaged 9 months later and married a year after! Never did I doubt or fear that I made a big mistake. I was certain he was the "one".

Back to the ministry thing...I was majoring in youth ministry. Probably one of the few females who had been majoring at that time. I am sure Liberty has increased that number through the years. I LOVED my classes and loved my professors. I was required to take a women's ministry class, and that is when I took "The Christian Woman". In that class I developed more of a desire for women's ministry, so I decided to minor in that, since it recently became an option.

Here is the turning point...When I got out of my "YOUTH 201" class one morning, the words Professor Brown brought changed my heart drastically. Wish I could remember the right words, but it was basically like, us as woman have a HUGE role and ministry in life if God calls us to. Don't EVER think for a moment that being home and rearing children is a lowly ministry. In fact, it is one of the most IMPORTANT, rewarding ministries you could ever do- ("And I mean, MINISTRY, not JOB). Now, all this happened in the early days of Jared and I dating. I walked out of class and we walked around campus and told him how my heart changed to a huge degree. If not had I experienced that and told him, we might now be where we are now. But it was such a peace that came upon me, and that night I sat up and prayed about it.

I kept my minor in Women's Ministry and just kinda did a major in Biblical Studies to have something that was more interesting to me. Wasn't planning on being a pastor or anything, I just wanted to learn the Bible. When I took the class "Role of a Christian Woman" I was reminded once again all the different roles in women's ministry we have, including wife and being a mom. She talked about how young women NEED the older, more mature women in their lives, and that both roles are of huge importance. We learned about every stage of life as a woman and how much we are worth every penny in God's eyes in every stage of life. As much as I have felt worthless with my insecurities in the past, I had always remembered God's plan that we were created perfectly in our mother's womb.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well
Psalm 139: 13 & 14

My own little girls have the same promise as I have. God has a perfect plan for their own little lives. And as I see that, even with all the all nighters, changing of diapers, cleaning up puke, kisses for when they fall, teachings of everyday life...God had planned this all out before I could even have known that. And even if I am not the next Beth Moore, Joyce Myers and struggle everyday to be a good mom and a good wife, I know His plans were made perfect for my life. I may fall a lot and wear myself down by trying to be the "perfect" mom, but I know this is the happiest I could ever be in my life right now in this season. Maybe in the future I can be the older, mature woman to the ones who need it out there. Right now I am so blessed and so filled with love for the husband and little ones God put in my life.

So, other women out there...don't be discouraged. You are doing the best in the place you are at now. Don't ever think otherwise.